Last night as I wrapped up my first evening of blogging, I basked in my accomplishment of completing something that has been on my heart for a long time. (I looked back on my profile and noticed I set up my account back in Dec 2008!) I snuggled into bed and just as I was drifting into a good sleep I was awoken by my precious Kylee's crying a little after 2 a.m. I waited just a moment before the sound of it made me realize this was not just a shift in her sleep cycles. She was in pain. She loves to snuggle with me, she loves for me to sing to her, and she loves for me to pat her. None of these things worked for long, and then memories from her first 5 months of her life came rushing back.
I often jokingly say that she did not get the 4th child memo because in the beginning she was by far the most difficult. All three of the others were sleeping 12 hours a night at 2 to 3 months old, and they rarely fussed. My miracle baby (a story to share another day), Kylee, became extremely irritable at about 6 weeks and rarely happy. It was so sad to know she was in pain, but also frustrating at times. We tried different reflux medicines before finding out she had a milk allergy. This meant I had to remove all dairy from my diet. This did not totally soothe her, and not long after we realized she was even more allergic to soy. After eliminating dairy and soy from my diet she became a much happier and fun baby. This is a difficult change to make because many products purchased or ordered from restaurants include these ingredients. I have learned through trial that she can tolerate small amounts of dairy if it has been baked or cooked into a meal, but I cannot have a direct source like cheese, milk, ice-cream, etc. Well, I grated a small amount of parmesan on top of the dinner I had fixed last night. It looked so good, and I caved. I thought surely a couple of thin grated pieces of parmesan will not hurt anything. Obviously, this was bad judgement, a wrong choice made, and there were consequences to follow. I was up with Kylee until 7 a.m. Just as my alarm was going off to get ready for church, I was crawling into my bed.
As I sat up with her trying to give her comfort, singing and praying, I was able to think about a lot of things. (Although I am not sure how I was able to think with the crying.) I felt so guilty that something I chose to put in my body could have such a negative and painful impact on my precious baby girl. I even felt more guilty that in this instance I had knowingly put something in my body that could possibly bring her discomfort. As I struggled through these 5 hours with Kylee and my Father, I realized that things we subject our body to can have profound impacts on those around us. Most will not start cramping and crying in pain, but they are affected nonetheless. These "things" that come to mind include our senses and our attitudes. When I have a bad or down attitude, the rancid aroma seeps out for others to inhale or be clouded by. My eyes and ears can watch and hear things that are permanently etched into the files of my mind. Sometimes I can recite these things that I have heard or seen with my tongue that can bring pain to others through gossip, poor choice of language, or a multitude of other things. These things do not bring Glory to my Father, which is my purpose on this earth.
Now that I have children, I am even more aware of these things and I am so sensitive to what they are exposed to. For example, many do not understand why I do not let them watch Spongebob, but as a parent even though some things were funny as an adult I knew I did not want them repeating it. Their growing minds could not handle or understand all that was said or even sometimes how they treated each other in the show. As they have gotten older it has become even harder to watch t.v. because so much is inappropriate for them to see or hear. I understand that they cannot necessarily be kept in a bubble their whole lives, but at the same time His Word is clear to not imitate what is evil but what is good. Kevlie Ann & Calvin, my 3rd grade twins, see & hear things on a daily basis including school, t.v., Mommy or Daddy's attitude, and, sometimes, even church, that they so innocently and unknowingly repeat and question Kevin and me about. Almost daily I ask the question, "Do you know what that means?" The answer is usually a no or I forgot. I respond that if you do not know what you are speaking about then it should not be spoken. This almost always results in a deeper conversation to help them understand. There is in fact a list of things they are currently deeply questioning that I am praying through and studying the best way to talk about these more challenging issues. All of my children are in training, and it is a daily battle to teach right and wrong and why some things should not be watched or spoken. I believe that when something is only spoken once that it is so easy to become a habit or slave to sin. This applies to actions too. I am also constantly reminding them that they also set an example for their siblings, and (almost) 4 year old Colton wants to copy everything the big kids say and do. In Proverbs it states that "the tongue has the power of life and death." Why not speak life?
This reminds me of when my twins were younger, and we would be around other children their age. When I was shocked at something that was said or done, I use to laughingly say, "oh they must have older siblings at home". Most of the time these things were quite funny and entertaining from the mouths of innocent children. Now with Colton running around wanting to be big, we are that family where new moms and dads must be thinking, "oh they must have older siblings at home". I am sure we will face the same thing with Kylee.
Tonight was a blog night where I had many "insightful" things to share running through my mind. I wish I burned calories for all the miles my mind runs! I thought that I should just start a list to refer to for when the day comes that I do not have anything to say, but then I realized that would be Callie Ann hijacking the blog. I did not start a list. Many of you that know me well are probably laughing right now and thinking to yourself, "that girl will never run out of things to say or share what is on her mind." I hope I did bring a laugh. Laughter is medicine for the soul and can almost immediately change your attitude and also give a positive impact on those around us!
Even as an adult, I am constantly in training to make better choices about what I put into my body to have a positive impact on others and bring Glory to my Father...
Only By God's Grace.
With much love,
Callie Ann
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