Today is a very special day. My silly monkey CoCo was born 4 years ago. He was incredibly sweet from day 1 and has been the most laid back child. He is a happy, loving boy and full of energy, but he is also very obedient and kind. I am not exaggerating when I say he is my monkey. Sometime before he turned two I found him on top of the kitchen table hanging from the chandelier. A couple of days ago I looked out the back window and found him climbing on the outside of the slide (we have a spiral, enclosed slide) all the way over the top before he slid down. This is at least 10 feet in the air.
Colton came 5 1/2 years after the twins so I was not sure how he would adjust to losing his "baby" position and welcoming in a baby sister. I knew he always loved babies and would kiss up on them if given the chance. I always thought he would be a great big brother; however, I was not sure he would have that opportunity. But God decided otherwise, and Colton is an amazing big brother. There never was an adjustment period. He loves sweet Kylee so much! He relinquished the baby role easier than I could have ever imagined, and he has never even been jealous of her.
Colton had his birthday party several weeks ago. It was a train party, and he loved every minute of it. I did not think any child could love trains more than Calvin, but I think Colton has surpassed it. Big Train, as Colton affectionately named this Santa Fe train, is located at the Train Park in Temple, TX. It is his most favorite place to go. Along with the full size version that is available for kids to climb on and ring the bell, there is also an incredible park for the kids to play on.
If you ask CoCo his birthday, he will tell you it is April 18th. However, I must admit he was a little confused on the timing of things probably since it has been two weeks since his party. I think it all soaked in when he got to blow out another candle and open a few more presents today.
I purposely was waiting to post our verse for April 15 until today. Back in February I decided that it would be cool to memorize each of the children's bible verse prayed over them at their dedications during the time their birthday fell. (Obviously, we will do that a little differently with the twins.) I think this will make each child feel special and remember the specific things we pray for them as we memorize these. I know when we introduced this one last Friday night that Colton's eyes lit up when he realized it was his verse. We prayed for guidance in directing us to Colton's verse, and the following verse is the one God kept leading us back to:
Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. Do everything in love.
1 Corinthians 16:13-14
We celebrate you today and everyday Colton O'Neill!! Happy 4th Birthday! I love you!
I have a blogger friend from college that use to always have a Thankful Thursday post. She did it again not long ago, and it reminded me of how much I loved the thought of reflecting back on the blessings of the past 7 days. I love how she terms it her "manna" for the week.
Here are some things I am thankful for this week:
- Kevin, or Tekton Renovations I should say, was able to help bless some friends. He helped renovate a garage into a man cave. (By the way, Lisa hates that term.) It was a surprise for Toby, and it was fun to see him enjoy his surprise and new hang out. I think they have been out there almost every night for a week now. It is complete with a frig, tv, and ping pong table. I think Lisa could beat Toby, but he just knows how to get into her head. This reminds me of a Cosby Show episode we watched at dinner tonight on Netflix. (I love Netflix!) It was in the first season and Cliff always loses in chess to his father-in-law because he knows how to get into his head.
- Our adopted college student, Meredith, (I will give our story in another post) who is now married and moved away came to visit us. She came and watched Kevlie Ann's soccer game and hung out with us all day Saturday. Her husband was unable to make this trip; therefore, I went to a wedding with her Saturday night. We had a great girls night out! She spent the night and went to church with us on Sunday morning. We are so blessed when she comes to visit us, and I love how much she loves our family. We love her too!
- I love watching my kids play sports! We watched KK play soccer on Saturday in high winds with blowing sand, and Calvin had a great baseball game on Monday night.
- I had a Mommy first this week!! I have realized now that this is a Baby Mommy First because I know there are so many other firsts that we will experience!
- I was able to go on a Girls Night on Sunday night. This ended up being 2 nights in a row, but I had not been to dinner and movie with these girls since Kylee was born. I am so grateful that I have a husband who loves me and knows I need my girls nights. On Sunday night he gathered them all from church, fed them dinner, and got them all peacefully to bed. Two nights in a row that is. I think they watched the Cosby Show that night as well because they all had stories to tell me the next day. They just do not make family tv like the old days.
- Kevlie Ann was home sick on Tuesday and Wednesday, but I enjoyed her being here. On Wednesday afternoon she was feeling better, and she worked on putting dreads in my hair. It takes a long time to do all of those tiny braids. She only completed the front part of my head. I still had lots of hair left undone. I even went grocery shopping in my dreads! I was not sure I was going to be able to get them all out, but they actually came out a lot faster than it took her to put them in. It resulted in a major frizzy, wavy mess.
- I am grateful that I have a new dryer. I must say that after settling in with it for several days now that my buyer's remorse is quickly fading. It dries so much faster than ol' dryer did, and that must be saving a lot of energy thus lowering the utility bill. It has already successfully done many loads, but I am not completely caught up yet. I also love the extra space it has created in the laundry room. I am still trying to organize and get things all put back in to place. I know it seems like this should be done, but it is really hard with a mobile, wanting to play all the time, 9 month old.
- I am thankful that this Thursday was peaceful. I thought my youngest ones were getting sick. Colton definitely is not, but Kylee had quite the snotty nose and was a little more cranky than usual. I do not think this is teething since the girl already has 6 teeth! She may have a complete mouthful by her 1 year old birthday! While Kylee napped this afternoon we were able to play ball outside with the other kiddos. I am trying to soak in this weather because I know it will be miserable soon, and I will not want to be outside.
- I love this weather!
- I am thankful for how God's Word is being weaved into our hearts and becoming practical in our daily lives!
I think this "manna" is really supposed to be in the form of "Today I am thankful for:" followed by brief statements of gratitude. With my first attempt at this, I realize that mine really became more of a synopsis of my week. I thought I was attempting to be brief, but I failed. I understand there is no right and wrong, but I will try to do better next week. Nevertheless, it was fun thinking about my week in synopsis. It was a good week!
What are you thankful for this week?
I love being reminded of all of the blessings we have and focusing on the good every week. Thank you Erica for your inspiration! You are a blessing and treasure to so many.
I have 4 children. I thought I would have already experienced pretty much all of the Mommy firsts that are out there, but I was wrong. I had a Mommy first last Saturday.
After Kevlie Ann's whirlwind, literally, of a soccer game, we were all hungry. It was 2:30pm. We had a late breakfast, but we had not had lunch before the game. I had 3 free kids meal coupons for Jason's Deli so off we went. Lunch was great. Kylee enjoyed lots of crackers. Funny thing is that in our rush to get out of the house that morning, I made the comment to Kevin as we were driving down our street that somehow I had left the wipes in the living room recliner. I am not sure why they were not put back in the diaper bag, but they were not. I made the decision that we should be fine and to go on to the game. I was really wishing for the wipes after all of the crackers.
I wanted to run into World Market really quickly to look for something specific. I found a couple of things and checked out. As we were walking out the door, I felt something wet dripping off of my arm. To my shock and amazement, there was a copious amount of poo (the really runny kind) running down my arm and even all over the bag of purchased items. This is not my Mommy first moment because we have had many a blow-out. Just wait for it because it gets better.
Now I was really wishing for the wipes. I almost wanted to walk around the store in search of another Mommy who might be in possession of some, but I could not because this was what you might call an emergency. I held sweet Kylee out in the air, legs dangling and made a bee-line for the restroom. Kylee was all smiles. I think she thought this was quite a ride. I will spare too many details, but let me just say that it was so bad that this is when my Mommy first occurred.
For the first time ever in my 9 years and 3 months of Mommyhood with 4 infants, I gave my daughter a bath in the restroom sink. I know for a fact that had this been my first baby I would have melted into a puddle of tears filled with embarassment, exasperation, and failure. On this day, even though it was a first, it is not my first rodeo. I was able to laugh the whole time and kind of enjoy the moment even though it was filled with poo and lots of it.
I tend to have reflection moments as I type these blogs. I do not know if anyone else cares about these reflections or lessons learned, but I know it is good for me. This one is kind of corny and many may roll their eyes, but it works for me. Sometimes our lives are filled with a lot of poo. I know mine has been off and on lately. However, I have a choice. I can melt down into tears filled with embarassment, exasperation, and failure. Or I can choose to laugh. Laughter really is the best medicine. I am always telling the family, "You might as well laugh as cry." It is a lot more fun and less stressful that way.
I think CoCo loves a clean Copper almost as much as I love fresh, clean sheets on my bed. Let me introduce you to Copper, Colton's (affectionately known as CoCo) blanket. He is my Linus, and I love it. I am not sure how this particular blanket became his favorite because we had so many similar ones. These are really soft blankets that are breathable. When I had the twins, my one fear was putting them into the crib with a blanket. I feared them getting smothered. This fear seams so silly compared to all of the other potential dangers that lurk out there for our little ones. Our doctor finally told me very frankly that they were fine to have a blanket probably because it was winter and she felt sorry for them. They were two. I came up with a brilliant plan for Colton. My friend Molly introduced me to some really soft blankets that were "holey" and breathable. Before I would buy them I would cover my mouth and nose to make sure that I could breathe through them. Everytime I found one, I would buy it. We ended up with a lot of holey blankets, and CoCo was allowed to have them since birth. CoCo's favorite one is the smallest one and it is aqua colored. I have wondered if this became his favorite because that was the color of his walls in his nursery, and it is still his preferred shade of blue if given the opportunity to choose. For a long time he could not say the word "aqua" correctly when we would be looking for it. He pronounced "aqua", copper; therefore, the blanket became named Copper. I realize that sometime soon we will have to wean him from Copper, but it will have to be baby steps. I think as long as we inforce Copper to stay in the bed I may let it stay around longer. Today when I took Copper out of the dryer, the new dryer I might add, he giddily exclaimed, "mmm...mmm...mmm..I love you!" It is really too bad that this typewritten quote does not have the same emotion and inflection of his sweet voice to accurately portray his gratitude and excitement.
If I had a full-time maid my sheets would be washed every day. That may not be very "green" of me, but that is one thing that I absolutely love. They do not need to be warm, just fresh and clean smelling. This alone can really make my day. Too bad I do not have the time to clean them daily. I have a hard enough time keeping up with the laundry for a family of six. Laundry is the one thing that I did not take into account when we became a family of five. I greatly underestimated the amount of laundry increase by just adding one more member of the family. It was by far the hardest adjustment when Colton came along. I was a little more prepared when Kylee came around; however, I must honestly say that just knowing that there will be more laundry does not magically make it easier. If I do not do a load a day, then I am in for a laundry marathon. I completely understand why the Duggers have a laundromat built in their house. (If you do not know who the Duggars are, they are the family on the TLC show 19 kids and counting. They are a really cool story, and they are raising amazing kids.) An important piece of time-saving technology breaking down even makes the marathon more daunting.
I made a little mention earlier about a new dryer because the ol' dryer finally gave out 5 days ago. I am happy to have a new dryer, but I am still having buyer's remorse just because the money spent on it took away from another important fund. I guess I should be grateful that we at least had our tax refund to help us with this or else I would have been putting the clothes out on a clothesline. Our ol' dryer will be dearly missed, and it had been with us our entire married life of almost 13 years. I know that this one will probably not last that long. They just don't make things like they used to. My grandparents had purchased the ol' washer and ol' dryer for us. We lost the ol' washer a couple of years ago, but we still had the ol' dryer. Now, I think the other part of my buyer's remorse is that I have to say goodbye to my ol' dryer. I know that is so silly, but it was really special to me that my grandparents had purchased these for us. I can remember my grandfather, Duke, going shopping and picking it out in Tyler. He then called and said that he had purchased it, and they had it in College Station. My Duke and Lou have long since gone to be with the Father. Duke did not get to meet my sweet children, but Lou did have a precious short time with Kevlie Ann and Calvin.
The buyer's remorse sting is a little less because we happened upon a really great deal. Our new addition was delivered today. Since I have a sick girl at home, we have been having a laundry marathon since about noon today. I am afraid the marathon is going to last the rest of the week.
I thought the dryer was going to give out about a year ago, but it miraculously came back to life. I am so thankful for that, and rightly gave God the glory for that little miracle. I remember several friends at the time suggesting to hang our clothes out on the line. I honestly shudder at the thought not because I am becoming Miss Susie Homemaker in my own right, but more because that is all I would be doing. I can just imagine hanging all of our stuff and the amount of stuff we are talking about. It is just mind-boggling to me. Maybe if I lived out in the country where I would not have neighbors spying on my unmentionables. Or worse, what if they blew into their yard? I have no doubt they would be extra fresh smelling...maybe I should line dry my sheets. I know that I could live without a dryer, but I am spoiled and already struggling at fulfilling my daily homemaker duties. I will add that something practical did come out of getting the new dryer. It is stacked on top of my washer, and it opened up my laundry room. I feel like I have a mini-laundromat at my home. They both have circle openings you can see through and they are stacked on top of each other. The kids think this is so cool. The only thing missing is the coin slot or card swipe nowadays. Instead we get it on credit and receive a paper slip in the mail to remind me to pay the bill online every month. I should cancel the paper slip, which would be the more "green" thing to do. I hardly ever even open the thing and it goes straight to the trash. Why ruin a perfectly good afternoon by checking out the utility bill? I wait and ruin one afternoon instead of many when I log on to pay many bills at one time. At least the new dryer was bought with cash. No more credit in the Haas household. I will say that choice alone takes away a lot of stress, temptations, and fewer bills. Enough about bills. The awesome thing is that I can now fit a freezer in the mini-laundromat...that is if the freezer ever makes it up the priority expenditure list.
I am not a fan of going to the portrait studio. I prefer for us to take our own because Kevin has the talent with my creativity to do it. However, every now and then I make the trip to the studio. It is not really that I hate the results because the kids took some great portraits today, but it is the process that I am not fond of. We managed to get some really beautiful pictures today at Sears of all places. I get a little flustered because I feel rushed during the whole process, yet it takes for-ev-er. We go in all happy and excited to take beautiful pictures and usually come out tired and hungry.
We had to go to Sears because of a decision I made nine years ago. I had the twins pictures taken in the tin tub with the cloud background and yellow duckies. I really love those pictures and they grace the kids bathroom wall. I repeated the procedure with Colton so it would not look right to not have sweet Kylee's face up there as well. So we packed up and went to Sears for the infamous "tub" picture.
I will now have all four tub pictures on the bathroom wall. It will be complete. I also decided to go ahead and take Kylee's picture in her beautiful dedication gown. I am so glad I did. There are so many of these that I love, but here are a few.
I am really glad I had these taken because we are finally having her dedication this Sunday, and now I have a beautiful picture to submit for it. The old saying is true that the more children you have the less pictures you have of them. Well, I have a lot of snapshots, but I hardly have any great portraits of Kylee or Colton. I think the twins had theirs taken every 2 or 3 months their first year of life. Here a few more of my favorites from today.
I will say that I love the fact that I came home with a cd of 78 pictures!! The moral of the story is now that I am not feeling the frazzlement of going to the studio, I am so happy to have these pictures. The photo session itself was tiring and I was sweating by the end of it, but Colton and Kylee were both happy. The worst part is trying to make all of the decisions at the computer after the session with the pressure of needing to make the right decisions all while your older son is running up and down the hall with the football prop you had brought and a baby wanting to sleep. Colton decided that it would be a great idea to try and make baskets with the quilt rack they had displaying products. I let him know that was not a very good idea, and he obeyed. However, then he had to find other things to keep him entertained. I mean what fun is it for an active boy to have to sit patiently and wait while Mommy makes portrait decisions. Kylee did not cry, she just sucked on her fingers and every now and then would politely vocalize her desire to leave. I have developed a list of places for anyone needing natural birth control, and this is on it. My children were not horrible, but I did not even mention the other crying and bored children that we witnessed. I decided to order the minimum and get the cd so that I could make better decisions at home.
All of this for cherished memories. Memories of ages of my precious children that I can never get back. I am sad when I think of how fast they are growing, yet I love every new development and accomplishment they make. Another day gone, but there are so many more memories to make tomorrow!
I was not going to blog about it, but I simply cannot sign off without voicing my pride in my Lady Aggies Basketball team! They are headed to the Final Four for the first time in program history! Whoop!
After reflecting back on my post from yesterday, I am feeling the need to clarify a few things. I guess that stems mainly from my joyful comments. I am not anywhere near perfect. I do not have my act together most of the time. I am human and have down times and moments of weakness like any other human being. I am not joyful 100% of the time, but my percentages are improving. It has taken me a long time to be content with where I am and with what God is doing in our lives, but I am now truly content. That contentment is what leads to joy. If I had not gone through that painful process, I would not be able to honestly tell you that I am joyful. I am not sure Kevin has reached the joyful stage yet. Correction: He is joyful a lot of the time, but maybe he is still working on his shooting percentage. I believe this is because he is the provider for the family and carries a heavy burden. However, I must admit he is a lot closer to this pure joy than he was several years ago. Nevertheless, being joyful really has nothing to do with whether or not I have it all together. I am choosing to live this way instead of in misery or just pretending to be happy. I can choose to be happy with the circumstances I am given. Happiness is a choice. Sometimes it is a hard one to make, and other times it is quite easy. My family deserves and needs a more joyful Mommy. This goes the other way too. I am able to enjoy my family more if I am joyful.
Speaking of choosing happiness and being joyful. I was tested this morning. Kevin usually takes the kids to school, and I am so thankful for this act of service that he lovingly does for me. I have had to do this task most mornings the past two weeks. The worst part is that I have to load up all four children to make the "quick" trip. Most of the time this means waking the sleeping baby. Is there not a rule or law that says to never wake a sleeping baby? Well, I have been quite successful with this task until this morning.
I will say that the testing actually happened before we ever left the house. Calvin asked ever so politely if we could leave a little early and stop by the Shell for a breakfast treat. He explained that his sweet sister, Kevlie Ann, wanted to buy breakfast for us. This was an interesting test because 99% of the time my response would be no. Anyone who knows me well knows that I am a stickler for healthy choices for my children. I am not so great at this myself as it is so hard to change old habits, but I want better for them. I rarely let them drink sodas, unless it is a party. I do not allow much sugar, and I try to stay away from candy unless it is a holiday or grandparent treat. So, naturally, why would I agree to stop today and allow them to purchase donuts and cinnamon rolls? I do not know except that I decided to be the "nice mom" today. I hesitated before saying yes, but then quickly realized that it had been a long time since I had said yes to such request. (Now Daddy is a push-over in this department. As long as he will reap some benefit from this breakfast splurge, then he will go for it much more often than me. I would say he is closer to a 75%er. I know that does not seem like a great drop from the 99% no to 75% no, but the kids have learned how to work it.) Test 1: passed.
The only problem I saw with this plan and the "yes" committment I had made was that we would need to leave a little early. What is "a little" early? Actually, what is early? Since children entered my life, early rarely happens. I hate it. I know hate is a strong word, but I really do hate being late. I hate being on time. I would rather be early and not rushed. I have tried everything. I have tried getting up extra early, but then there is too much extra time and I am not sure where it all goes. I have tried setting the clocks 5 minutes ahead. They are now set 10 minutes ahead. This does not work because I can do the math, and I know how many times I can press snooze. Basically, I can get myself ready, but I am not good at the allowing for catastrophes like poo, meltdowns, lost keys, or just plain stuff. There are times when I have it all together, and we are early. I am quite proud of this accomplishment when it happens, and I celebrate it. I often reflect on it and think, "wow, that was not hard at all." However, even though it was not hard, I cannot for the life of me figure out how I did it so that it could be successfully replicated on a daily basis. But today...we left a little early. Test 2: passed.
Now a little early meant that I wore my jammies (that did not match) underneath a sweatshirt jacket. I threw on my glasses because there would be no time for contacts. I slipped on flip flops. I did take an extra 15 seconds or so to reassemble my ponytail so that I did not look totally like the just hopped out of bed Momma. (I know this really does not fool anyone, but it makes me feel better.) The twins were ready and excited. They had pep talked Colton so he was excited about donuts. (Colton is a night owl like me. He really prefers to sleep in and wake up on his own in the mornings.) I grabbed Kylee and put her in the carseat. No milk and not even a diaper change. (I can read all of this and see a successful plan for being early; however, I just do not think this would work on a consistent basis. Or at a minimum we probably would not have very many places to go because we would not have very many friends in this hippy-hobo state we looked this morning.) Regardless, we were on our way along with the rest of the world and morning traffic. We live about a mile and a half away from the Shell. About a mile down the road, the van shuts down. According to my gas guage, I should have had at least 20 more miles. I had planned to get gas on my way back home and not at the Shell. I really thought at this moment that it was not a gas problem. I remained calm and collected and even, yes, you know it, JOYFUL. I was laughing at the situation. I was praising the Lord that I had actually left a little early. I was praising the Lord that I had said yes to the donuts. I was desperately praying that we could coast and make it to the gas station. As we were coasting, I could tell the people behind me were not at all impressed with my slow, cautious driving. Maybe they were not as early as we were. We coasted our way to the entrance of the station, and I had to really press on the breaks to be able to make the turn. This is so hard without power steering! Unfortunately, this slowed the van enough that it did not make it to the pump. I then proceeded to jump out of the van in my hippy-hobo attire and push the van. I pushed and pushed while I am sure others were being quite entertained. I mean traveling circuses are very entertaining! I stopped and decided that I was probably close enough for the pump to reach. It was at this point when I had placed it in park that a very kind man told me he would push it the rest of the way for me. He was at the pump next to me. I am not sure what was going through his mind while I was pushing; nevertheless, I was thankful, embarassed, but appreciative for his good deed for the day! The kids were still able to get donuts. I decided after all of that I needed and deserved a Dr. Pepper. And because we had left a little early, the kids still had 5 minutes to spare when we pulled into the school driveway. Test 3: passed.
I would say that I passed with flying colors. It does not always happen this way. There are many times that I would have totally lost it once the coasting began. Moreover, it would have been even more stressful if I had not answered a simple yes to a simple question from a loving son. Praise the Lord that this time I did not lose it, and it was a great lesson for the kids. They were able to walk into school joyful, instead of stressed and in foul moods because of the way Mommy reacted. This reminds me of a song This Is The Stuff by Francesca Battistelli that speaks directly to my stage in life right now. I think all of the "stuff" in the song has happened to me. I know that I could have written at least 4 more verses for her. I mean it does not even include the running out of gas example of the stuff He uses.
Enjoy singing along!
Only By God's Grace...
I am joyful and blessed beyond measure even through the stuff.
Much Love,
Callie Ann
I have had a migraine for the past 17 hours. This is the third one this week. I have taken meds. I tried to rest this morning. I have managed to be productive today. I made myself go to an Aggie girls basketball game with the family including my parents. This was Kylee's first Aggie game. I went to a celebration of a friend's son who passed away 2 years ago. I thought I would skip the blog post today especially since it does not feel very good to stare at the computer screen. But I cannot sleep. I am thankful that I have been able to function today. Sometimes they are so destructive that I am not productive and, basically, out of commission. I do not remember having migraines until after I was hit by 72 year old woman drunk driver when I was sixteen, and I really did not pinpoint this until I was older. People that do not have migraines cannot truly understand how debilitating and painful they can be. I am okay with that because I am truly thankful that they do not suffer like me and so many others do. I loved being pregnant because I rarely had migraines, and that was bliss.
Kevlie Ann was at a birthday party and sleepover last night. She came home this afternoon and shared with me that she typed on a typewriter for the first time. She showed me her paper she typed. It brought back lots of memories. We had recently had a discussion about typewriters. I told her about the first one we had that had been my Mom's in college. It did not allow for corrections unless you had a correction tape. Then I told her about the new one we got that allowed you to type a line in memory before it would "type" it onto the page so that mistakes could be corrected. As I type this, I am even remembering my typing class in high school. I really respected Mrs. Kelch. She was an older lady that could seem a little stern at times, but she was really a great woman with a lot of history and great stories. She really did have a great passion in making sure we learned how to type well. Thank you Mrs. Kelch. Because of you I am rather speedy on the keyboard. I can remember reciting and typing: aaa (space) sss (space) on and on for each row all as a class. It was actually quite musical in a typing sort of way, and you could always hear when a mistake was made. I am grateful to report that I do not have a major parenting mistake or fail to report today. I am thankful that the Lord is more like a computer than a typewriter. My mistakes can be erased all because of Jesus.
These typewriter memories do not seem like that long ago. Have I really been out of high school for 15 years this May? I always remember adults telling me how fast time flew. I did not believe them because all I remember is how long each school year felt. I remember wanting to be another year older starting around 12 years old. I wanted to be a teenager. Next, I wanted to be in high school. I always wanted the next best thing. Time needed to speed up so I could get my license, graduate high school, go to college, get married, and have kids. However, once I had kids I learned how true the statement "time flies" really is. Each year goes by faster than the last. I must really learn to slow down and enjoy each season of my life especially while all of my children are at home. Before I know it they will be out of the house, and it will never be the same. Sometimes I complain about discipline or wishing a child would grow out of a phase, but I am going to start enjoying the good, the bad, and the ugly before they are all grown up. I do not want to live in regret or wish our lives away.
I remember when the twins were born that I was in survival mode. I did not truly enjoy them as babies. I was always looking for the next best accomplishment that would make life a little easier. I figured this out when Colton came along, and I allowed myself to enjoy each milestone instead of rushing it. Now that Kylee is here, I am cherishing it even more because unless God performs more miracles, I know this will be my last. I actually want everything to slow down, but it only feels like it is going faster. I think it is because we are involved in so many things and constantly on the go.
I am getting older, but I do not want to dwell on that. I believe life can become more fun and rewarding with each year. I would rather live life to the fullest and be joyful as I am called to do rather than the alternative. In order to accomplish a life of joy, I must not worry about tomorrow, and I must cherish the bad times as much as the good times. I know that sounds crazy and may not make much sense to most, but then again, please remember I am suffering from a migraine right now. Forrest Gump said, "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get." Many people over the years have used this quote, and it is quite true. You never know what you are going to get. I think helps to explain my theory of living in joy and truly enjoying each step of the journey. The chocolate on the outside is always sweet and tastes great, but sometimes I do not always get my favorite flavor on the inside. I usually go ahead and eat it and the good stuff on the outside makes it okay. Other ones taste great inside and out. For me nothing is better than biting into the coconut ones. Life will not ever be perfect this side of heaven, but I can choose to do my best to not let the imperfect times get me down. Even when I have a migraine.
Only By God's Grace...
With much love and joy,
Callie Ann
Last week I felt pretty crummy, and the past two days I have still been sluggish. However, on this Valentine morning I was singing love songs to the Lord and also to Colton and Kylee. Colton said, "Mom are you feeling better or something?" I told him that I was, but it spoke even more to my heart that the little ones can really read how you are feeling by the smallest things you say or do. This was just a further confirmation of the things I shared yesterday. The Lord just has a way of making sure you get the point!
I originally thought that my focus today would be on LOVE, but He had other plans. Prayer was on my mind all day today. I was thinking about how many times in the last couple of days that I told or posted on their facebook that I'll be praying for you or praying for the family. I think even just from last night to now I have stated this at least half a dozen times. I have told a friend who lost his father, a 2nd cousin who lost his daughter, a close friend who lost her son 2 years ago, an older man who lost his daughter 27 years ago and still feeling the sting, a friend overwhelmed by preparing for a wedding, a friend whose family is full of sickness and in need of healing, a 4 month old girl I don't personally know going through chemotherapy that I would be praying for them and their families just within the past 24 hours or so. I know there have been many times where I have said this with great intentions but not followed through or ashamedly forgotten until something happens and lightning strikes my memory. I'm sure many others suffer from this same condition. It is so easy to say that you will pray for someone, and sometimes I feel like it is the only thing I know to say in certain circumstances.
This Prayer LOFT (lack of follow-thru) condition (as I have termed it...make note there are a lot of LOFT conditions) is something that has been on mind a lot in the past few years. I know it is a good thing for it to be on the front of my mind and uncomfortable on my heart because it has helped me to remember to keep my prayer commitments and not fall into LOFT. I have made an intentional effort to not even say or type it if I am not going to genuinely follow-thru with it. I desire to be a trustworthy prayer warrior that people know and can feel encouraged that when I say I am going to praying for them that I genuinely will be interceding for them with the Father whether it is for comfort from grief, finding joy, celebrating praises, asking for healing...the list goes on and on. I don't always have an opportunity to write it down, but I have made it a practice to immediately lift up whatever I have promised to the Father even if it is ever so brief. This is a positive example of the way reciting just once can do for you from my post yesterday. Even just lifting it up quickly right away puts a heartstamp on my soul and mind that makes it hard to forget. I am more likely to bathe it in prayer later once I have made the initial connection and request of the Father.
There are so many prayers to be made on a daily basis. Besides all of the prayers for others, I also have so many prayers for my own family. This has turned into a practice of praying throughout the day while driving, doing laundry, resting, or cooking. Basically, it requires me to pray during times of my regular daily activity which makes these times much more joyful, enjoyable, and more significant. In reality, I could not cover everything in prayer that I would like to cover on a daily basis even if I truly prayed every waking minute. This brings me to the lesson I so often forget. The Lord says to come to Him and pray continually, to ask and you shall receive. I believe our Lord is still in the business of healing and performing miracles. Nevertheless, I believe being truly thankful to the Lord is often forgotten. I also believe that the true Worship quality of prayer is often skimmed over or left out entirely. I know I have been guilty of this many times. Lately, the Lord has shown me that what is truly honoring to Him is to worship Him. The intercession is also important, but I am reminded that He knows what is on my mind even before I speak it. He knows what is on my heart. He knows who I am hurting for, aching with, or celebrating. My desire is to discover true worship that will bring me into an even deeper relationship with my Father. My prayer time is actually becoming my relationship time with my Father which is the way it is meant to be and is so much sweeter and such a blessing to me.
One other thing I want to share on this Valentine's Day. I posted this on facebook, but it was so cute that I wanted to share it here as well. Kevin and I took our Valentines to see Gnomeo & Juliet this evening and enjoyed it. During the movie Colton (almost 4) said "this was the dumbest movie ever, let's go home" and "this is weird, let's go home". However, on the way home he said he liked it. Kylee actually watched it and squealed a lot when the pink flamingo got the girl flamingo in the end. Children are so cute and funny! We serve an amazing Lord who also loves to laugh!
Last night as I wrapped up my first evening of blogging, I basked in my accomplishment of completing something that has been on my heart for a long time. (I looked back on my profile and noticed I set up my account back in Dec 2008!) I snuggled into bed and just as I was drifting into a good sleep I was awoken by my precious Kylee's crying a little after 2 a.m. I waited just a moment before the sound of it made me realize this was not just a shift in her sleep cycles. She was in pain. She loves to snuggle with me, she loves for me to sing to her, and she loves for me to pat her. None of these things worked for long, and then memories from her first 5 months of her life came rushing back.
I often jokingly say that she did not get the 4th child memo because in the beginning she was by far the most difficult. All three of the others were sleeping 12 hours a night at 2 to 3 months old, and they rarely fussed. My miracle baby (a story to share another day), Kylee, became extremely irritable at about 6 weeks and rarely happy. It was so sad to know she was in pain, but also frustrating at times. We tried different reflux medicines before finding out she had a milk allergy. This meant I had to remove all dairy from my diet. This did not totally soothe her, and not long after we realized she was even more allergic to soy. After eliminating dairy and soy from my diet she became a much happier and fun baby. This is a difficult change to make because many products purchased or ordered from restaurants include these ingredients. I have learned through trial that she can tolerate small amounts of dairy if it has been baked or cooked into a meal, but I cannot have a direct source like cheese, milk, ice-cream, etc. Well, I grated a small amount of parmesan on top of the dinner I had fixed last night. It looked so good, and I caved. I thought surely a couple of thin grated pieces of parmesan will not hurt anything. Obviously, this was bad judgement, a wrong choice made, and there were consequences to follow. I was up with Kylee until 7 a.m. Just as my alarm was going off to get ready for church, I was crawling into my bed.
As I sat up with her trying to give her comfort, singing and praying, I was able to think about a lot of things. (Although I am not sure how I was able to think with the crying.) I felt so guilty that something I chose to put in my body could have such a negative and painful impact on my precious baby girl. I even felt more guilty that in this instance I had knowingly put something in my body that could possibly bring her discomfort. As I struggled through these 5 hours with Kylee and my Father, I realized that things we subject our body to can have profound impacts on those around us. Most will not start cramping and crying in pain, but they are affected nonetheless. These "things" that come to mind include our senses and our attitudes. When I have a bad or down attitude, the rancid aroma seeps out for others to inhale or be clouded by. My eyes and ears can watch and hear things that are permanently etched into the files of my mind. Sometimes I can recite these things that I have heard or seen with my tongue that can bring pain to others through gossip, poor choice of language, or a multitude of other things. These things do not bring Glory to my Father, which is my purpose on this earth.
Now that I have children, I am even more aware of these things and I am so sensitive to what they are exposed to. For example, many do not understand why I do not let them watch Spongebob, but as a parent even though some things were funny as an adult I knew I did not want them repeating it. Their growing minds could not handle or understand all that was said or even sometimes how they treated each other in the show. As they have gotten older it has become even harder to watch t.v. because so much is inappropriate for them to see or hear. I understand that they cannot necessarily be kept in a bubble their whole lives, but at the same time His Word is clear to not imitate what is evil but what is good. Kevlie Ann & Calvin, my 3rd grade twins, see & hear things on a daily basis including school, t.v., Mommy or Daddy's attitude, and, sometimes, even church, that they so innocently and unknowingly repeat and question Kevin and me about. Almost daily I ask the question, "Do you know what that means?" The answer is usually a no or I forgot. I respond that if you do not know what you are speaking about then it should not be spoken. This almost always results in a deeper conversation to help them understand. There is in fact a list of things they are currently deeply questioning that I am praying through and studying the best way to talk about these more challenging issues. All of my children are in training, and it is a daily battle to teach right and wrong and why some things should not be watched or spoken. I believe that when something is only spoken once that it is so easy to become a habit or slave to sin. This applies to actions too. I am also constantly reminding them that they also set an example for their siblings, and (almost) 4 year old Colton wants to copy everything the big kids say and do. In Proverbs it states that "the tongue has the power of life and death." Why not speak life?
This reminds me of when my twins were younger, and we would be around other children their age. When I was shocked at something that was said or done, I use to laughingly say, "oh they must have older siblings at home". Most of the time these things were quite funny and entertaining from the mouths of innocent children. Now with Colton running around wanting to be big, we are that family where new moms and dads must be thinking, "oh they must have older siblings at home". I am sure we will face the same thing with Kylee.
Tonight was a blog night where I had many "insightful" things to share running through my mind. I wish I burned calories for all the miles my mind runs! I thought that I should just start a list to refer to for when the day comes that I do not have anything to say, but then I realized that would be Callie Ann hijacking the blog. I did not start a list. Many of you that know me well are probably laughing right now and thinking to yourself, "that girl will never run out of things to say or share what is on her mind." I hope I did bring a laugh. Laughter is medicine for the soul and can almost immediately change your attitude and also give a positive impact on those around us!
Even as an adult, I am constantly in training to make better choices about what I put into my body to have a positive impact on others and bring Glory to my Father...
Only By God's Grace.
With much love,
Callie Ann
